A Humble Prayer

Well, I have made it to the halfway mark with my treatments; this was number 8 of 16. Dr. Miller did an exam and the tumor could not be detected. He said there could still be microscopic cancer cells actively trying to reproduce so we will continue with treatments for the duration of the original 16 treatment protocol even though there is not a visible tumor.

Oncology Nurse Becky

I am thankful for the research that has gone beyond the visible tumor to see the invisible areas that are hidden to the physical exam. It would be easy for me to jump at the chance to stop treatments right now and not have to have breast surgery at all and let this cancer journey come to an end. However, hidden beneath, my cancer would continue to grow and soon I would have to start this entire process all over again.

Treatment #8

Maybe this is what happens to me spiritually sometimes. I immediately take care of those sins that are obvious. Maybe I lose my temper or make an ugly comment about a situation or person. I ask for forgiveness from the person, from God, and do what I can to make it right. But even though I am honest in my repentance, I may find myself doing the exact same thing the next week or day and I go through the entire process again. 

Just as those cancer cells could be beneath the visible surface, there could be some sin below the visible surface of my heart which causes the obvious sins to keep rising up out of me. Could it be a hurt or wound that I haven't forgiven? Could I be disobedient in an area of my life? What could be hidden in my heart?

I'm reminded of David's words in the Psalms 19:12, he says, "Who can understand his errors? cleanse You me from secret faults." He also prays, "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting" Psalm 139:23-24. This is a humbling prayer because it is difficult to accept what God may reveal.

I trust my doctor and his team to take care of me physically; to kill my cancer and build me back to health, even when it's not what I want to hear or do. How much more can I trust my Heavenly Father to care for me spiritually, cleanse my heart, and lead me in the way everlasting?

I think I will humble myself, pray this prayer, and repent of what the Lord reveals because I trust Him with my life.