A New Normal

My journey through recovery has been full of new challenges; some that I expected and others that knocked me off my feet. Throughout my cancer journey, I was constantly looking for God to teach me lessons; not because I thought I was being disciplined for some bad behavior, but that in adversity, my heart could be purified and my character developed. I had decided to be a lump of clay back on the Potter's wheel and allow His hands to mold and shape me for His purpose. 

I was recently asked, "What was the greatest lesson God taught you?" As I looked back, I could sum it all up with one-word; contentment. 

I don't know if any of you have ever experienced a longing for something more, but that longing had plagued me. As if who I was, wasn't enough, or what I did just didn't measure up. 

I think I got to that place because unconsciously was trying to make up for my past mistakes and failures; you know, those things God has already forgiven me for but I was still trying to make right as if His forgiveness wasn't enough. But with every little lesson last year, God sweetly and gently pulled back each layer, little by little. 

So, this time of recovery has been for my whole body; not just physically, but emotionally, and spiritually too. There have been many challenges that I have successfully overcome and some that I am still working on. 

I have had to rearrange my priority list and purposefully work within that list. I have had to say no to things and people that I would have loved to said yes to. But this has been a process of retraining my thinking, habits, and lifestyle and I realize that I will never go back to normal, I just have to find a new normal, and that is really not such a bad thing. 

I am very thankful for my friends and family who are understanding and supportive of where I am on this journey. because I have become a bit of a recluse, almost as if I'm in a cocoon, I may not emerge as a beautiful butterfly but I do want to allow God to develop this new way of life in me and hopefully, I will emerge completely transformed into a new normal.