It's Chemo

I was wrong about cancer being the only word in the world that could churn the stomach to the point of vomiting ~ chemo is another.  Those of you who have been through this process probably have some insight to a few more words that I have not heard yet which will do the same.

The diagnosis is Stage II Triple Negative Ductal Carcinoma. The triple negative means that the cancer is estrogen negative, progesterone negative, and HER2 (a protein on the cell surface that stimulates growth) negative. This limits the treatment options to chemo ~ 3 to 6 months of chemo before any surgery is considered.

http://relay.acsevents.org/site/MessageViewer?em_id=686861.0

Honestly, I was very surprised that I only have one option. I thought with all the research facilities and extensive studies that have been taking place over the past several years that there would have been multiple options for treating cancer by now.

In all reality, I suppose there are, unfortunately, there are no other options for me. This was very disappointing because I know the effects chemo can have on the total health of the body. I do not want to do chemo and was hoping for a different option.

Of course, at this point they do not know if the cancer has spread anywhere else in my body or if the cancer originated from somewhere else. The doctor took a sample from swollen lymph nodes under my arm to send off for testing which will not be back for several days. If I understand things correctly, my stage II will be increased to stage III if the results come back positive.

Before chemo can begin I must have a series of tests done. While waiting, I will be making every effort to increase my immune system and overall health. I am spending lots of time in God's word to make His promises ever present in my heart and mind. "Be strong in the Lord, and in the power of His might" Ephesians 6:10. He is my Strength, my Fortress, my Deliverer, my Strong Tower; in Him will I place all my trust. He is sufficient for my life.

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for You are with me" Psalm 23:4. I love this verse because I am walking through a valley but death is a mere shadow. I have nothing to fear because God is with me every step of the way.

It's Cancer

It's cancer. Hearing those words brought an overwhelming flood of emotions; but mostly fear. I could hardly sort through my own thoughts to hear anything else the doctor said. Cancer? Cancer! What? I don't think any other word in all the world could churn a stomach to the point of vomiting. For those of you who have experienced this moment, you know exactly what I'm talking about. I can say that until you hear it, and I hope you never do, no imagination can bring you to that place.

My journey has just begun and my first response was to keep it quiet. I didn't want to tell anyone because I had no idea how to share the news. I wouldn't know what to say or how to answer any questions. I was gripped by fear even to reach out. I came to the conclusion that I would rather share for prayers than to stay silent and face this monster alone. 

My phone rang from an unknown number and I answered expecting to hear a doctors office or hospital representative on the other end. Instead, it was the sweet sound of an unknown saint soon to be my dear friend, Norma Gibe. She had just finished her treatment for breast cancer and tracked down my number to call and share encouragement with me. She found me at a time I needed her the most. 

It is scary to share those secret fears and speaking of scary ~ my cryie face ~ now that's scary! LOL. I did not want people to see me cry and if they ask me something, I might (most definitely) cry. Norma shared her heart and opened my eyes to see past my own vanity. She helped me see how important it is to share my struggles even in the midst of them. 

It is easier to share the hard times once your on the other side of them, but sharing while your still vulnerable is not as simple. It takes something more than I had a week ago. Today, I am being vulnerable in the most difficult battle of my life because my new friend Norma taught me that sharing, even when you don't know someone, blesses others lives. 

School Day Devotions

When the 2018-2019 school year began, I wanted to do something extra to prepare my children for public school. In addition to many of the text book changes taking place in school, there is a big change in the cultural values and the way society views Christianity. I thought it was important to help my children stay strong in their faith, grow closer to the Lord, and not be drawn away by the influences of other beliefs.

After reading "Praying Circles around Your Children" by Mark Batterson, I decided that a devotion every morning would be the perfect solution to starting their day. Mark Batterson also suggested to send something with your children to school that reminds them that you are praying for them. A card or a text message with the scripture verse(s) you will be praying over your children each day.

Proverbs was the perfect place to begin instilling wisdom, warnings, promises, and understanding the fear of the Lord. So I began writing devotions from Proverbs specifically geared toward children and we started the first day of school. Ten minutes before we were scheduled to leave for school, we gathered in the living room to read the verses, use the devotion as talking points, and pray. I put the cards in their lunch box so they would see them at least once during the day.

I had positive responses from them and was so excited that I shared this endeavor with the ladies in my Sunday School class. The ones who have children asked if they could share the devotions with their children, others asked for copies to send for their grandchildren.

Mornings didn't work for one family so she decided to give the prayer card in the morning and do the devotions before bed. I liked the idea of having extra time to talk at night so I tried it and our family likes it better because they feel free to share, ask questions, and discuss scriptures. I also found that I learned more about how their day was at school in the evenings.

Mornings or evenings is really up to the individual family.

I want to invite you to share in these devotions as well. There are typically 180 days of school each year. We are only on about day 30 so picking up at day one will not put you too far behind. The scripture at the end of each devotion is the one written on the card along with a note to say, "I love you" or "I'm proud of you" or something special from you heart to them.

School Day Devotions ~ Day 1 to Day 32

I am writing these as we go so I can only share what is completed.

Updates will be made each week to the School Day Devotions page in the menu bar so that all completed devotions are available to you.

The School Day Devotions are available to download and share with your children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews. Tell your friends, family, and neighbors where they can find it to download for their children.

Coming of Age

Every year, my daughter, Rachel has always started planning her summer birthday in January. She would pick the theme, location, date of celebration, and agenda; that is until this year. She didn't have any interest in having a party at all. She was turning 14 and maybe parties had become too "little girl" for her.

While listening to the radio one day, I heard a man talk about how he had made an event of each of his son's thirteenth birthday. He called it a "Coming of Age Ceremony" and invited other men who had had an influence on his son's life to take part of the event.


My ears perked and my heart jumped, I wanted to do something for my daughter. I searched the Internet for ideas but could only find the Bat Mitzvah and Quinceanera, which did not fit our heritage or culture.

I decided to take the idea and tailor it to a girl. I asked Rachel to pick some women who had impacted her life that we could invite to this celebration. She was super excited and in her eyes it became a celebration of these 10 women she named (two are not pictured).

                             
       
She made a special gift for each one of them and shared to each of them individually how they made a difference in her life. In return, they gave her a gift and shared words of encouragement and wisdom for her journey forward into the next stage of her life.

                              

One of Rachel's favorite stories in the Bible is Esther, so we used the theme: "For Such A Time As This" and hosted a tea party in a friend's home. We had special tea mugs made with the theme printed on them to give to each woman.

                          

My heart swelled with joy as I listened to Rachel share her heart to some amazing women. Some of them shared in her life as a young girl, while others were recent relationships. I was filled with overwhelming gratefulness that God had placed these amazing women in my daughters life at the very moment she needed them the most (for such a time as this).

                          

This was an amazing event; the best "birthday party" I have ever plannned. I thought this would be great to repeat when she graduates High School and takes the next step into adulthood. I know there will be new women she will meet over the next few years and she will have grown closer to these women as well.

I hope this will inspire you to celebrate your little girl as she turns into a young lady.

Mentoring Our Children

The arrival of Labor Day brings an awareness that the summer days are officially coming to a end. School is back in session for most of us and we have settled back into the routines of sports practice, music lessons, homework, dinner time, bath time, bed time, etc. I don't know about you, but around here, summertime is like one big long weekend. Other than our yearly vacation, we make no specific plans and just enjoy!

This year, however, I took some time to seriously consider homeschooling my children. I have been becoming increasingly concerned about the cultural things my children face at school. My oldest comes home with stories about the ideals and beliefs of her peers that blows my mind.

Listening to "Issues in Education" has taught me many things that I didn't know about the Public School System. It is alarming...shocking...baffling...ah...I'm not sure what word adequately describes the brain doing a flip and the only intelligent word I can find is...NUTUHA?!?! when I hear what is going on in our world today.

Homeschooling is a huge decision and I took lots of time to pray, research, inspect, discuss, consult, and pray some more. It seems it would be the most logical option for a stay-at-home mom but in all reality that became part of the issue as well. We are a one income family and homeschooling is not cheap.

This led me to think about single moms and dads who couldn't possibly home school their children. What things can we do as parents to help our children stand in their faith and face great adversity at school? In the midst of my search, I found this book "Praying Circles around your Children" by Mark Batterson.

Once I started reading I couldn't stop! He gave many great ideas to encourage our children in God's word and how to pray specific prayers with them, emphasizing God's promises to them. He shares tips for communicating God's word to our children throughout the day; even while they are at school. 

I began this new year of school implementing many of his suggestions and was inspired to be creative in writing a devotion designed for my children. The time we spend together each morning has become the most rewarding time of the day. Mentoring my children on this level brings great fulfillment for the entire family. 

I highly recommend this book if you are looking for ways to mentor your children.

The Fingerprint of Identity

My goal for 2017 was to have a closer relationship with the Lord at the end of the year than I had at the beginning. I can honestly say that there were many lessons I learned, I acquired some knowledge, I gained understanding that helped me renew my mind and build upon the foundation of my relationship with Him. My "aha" moment; that moment when I could feel scales fall from my eyes, like I could see something more clearly, came in July during an interview with Ginger Green. Ginger is a board certified Biblical Counselor and a trained Christian Mediator.

As she shared about secular humanism invading the church and how the idea that Christians can't help their habits and low self-esteem is contradictory to scripture, I began to wonder if I had personally been invaded. Low self-esteem had been my specialty. I figured the best I could do was sit in a corner and be thankful for whatever God swept my way. My failures and faults were always at the forefront determining my worth. In my eyes, there was always someone with a better education that could do a better job and could execute God's missions and goals with marksmanship. Why would God choose me? 

I had been guilty of believing that my opinion of myself determined how well I could function as a Christian. As much as I wanted to change that opinion, it never seemed to improve because I didn't really know what it meant to "be in Christ." I understood the idea of being in Christ; being a new creation, scripture tells us this fact "Therefore if any man be in Christ he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new" 2 Corinthians 5:17. I could read it, speak it, and know it to be true, but I couldn't apply it to my own life because of my own sin. 

My sin was self-idolatry. I had placed "self" where Christ needed to be in my life. Self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence needed to be Christ-esteem, worth, and confidence.  The only way I could find freedom was to kneel before the cross and repent. Sin cannot be managed, it must be uprooted through the cross. The fingerprint of God is placed over me for I am in Christ; a new creature. 

You can find the interview with Ginger Green and the series of broadcasts that discuss the topic of knowing who we are in Christ by following proverbs3130ministry.com 

Get fingerprinted!

Don't Live in Regret

I'm a little late on sharing my reflections over the last year. 2017 was an eventful year that seemed to fly by in a flash. My last post was April 15th and exactly one month later, on Mother's Day, my pregnant sister-in-law, Miki died suddenly at 24 years old, along with the little girl she carried. It seemed unreal. We had so many questions and no answers; how? why? She was too young. It was not suppose to be this way. She had her whole life ahead of her. Mother's Day will never be the same for any of us; especially for her mother and the two young children Miki left behind. This was the last picture with her and her four brothers. We miss her.

Death has no age limits. None of us are promised tomorrow. Later can turn into never. I wish I had been with my grandma when she died; instead she died alone. I had to reschedule my last lunch date with my friend Abby, a few weeks later she was gone. I often wonder what we would have talked about. My last conversation with Miki was through text. She told me what she was going to name the baby and about her plans to return to school after she was born. My heart hurts sometimes when I think about my last conversation with those who have past on. What would I say different if I had known it was our last time to talk? What would I add?

I'm sure we all have regrets; the coulda, shoulda, woulda's can plague us until we fall into deep depression and render ourselves useless for any good thing. We can beat ourselves up with all that we did wrong or just didn't do at all, but that doesn't help anyone. I have been very good at using the regret stick (which feels more like a bat) to strike blows on myself, but never once has it given me a chance to change the situation. We are human beings, we will make mistakes, we will mess up, but regret will never make it better.

Nehemiah 8:1-12 describes how all God's people gathered to hear Ezra read the book of the law. When he finished the people answered Amen, lifted their hands, worshiped the Lord with their faces to the ground, and wept because they understood the words of the law. Their hearts were broken by God's word, but Ezra encouraged them not to mourn or weep or grieve "for the joy of the Lord is your strength."

As I read these scriptures, I heard the encouragement for myself: don't live in regret, keep moving forward, and rejoice in your relationship with the Lord. 

Don't live in regret!