Fighting the Battle

I have heard people talk about fighting cancer and although I know that is the root of my fight, I can't help but find myself fighting the battle of chemo everyday. It is a fight for my life, for the routines and activities with my kids and husband; the things that make up a normal daily life for me.

Just like every other human in the world, I have had my fair share of hard times; struggles, situations, and circumstances that left me with some residue that a battle had taken place. Scars of broken relationships, wounds of hurtful words, devastation of lost loved ones are all part of what we live with each day after battles in our lives. But, we learn how to "roll with the punches", "make lemonade", and/or "let go and let God."

This last chemo treatment was pretty difficult and it was only my second one. So, with 14 more to go I had to consider what I needed to change in how I was fighting. I evaluated my battle plan; my strategy and I discovered that I dug a trench at an early age and I have used the same one for every battle that has come along in my life.

However, in the midst of this battle, my old trench wasn't working. The tools were no longer useful and my old armor was not sufficient. I had to dig a new trench, fill it with different tools, and change out the armor because none of my old tactics would get me through this battle.

It is so easy to get stuck in routines of life; doing what "feels" right and sticking with what has worked in the past are some of the battle strategies I have used. But really, relying on feelings to determine the next step has failed me in this battle considering that I don't feel good most of the time.

We have a tendency to think how we feel so my thinking has not been good these past couple of weeks. I have to train my brain to think differently; to put my thinking over my feelings so that how I feel will not determine how I think. This takes discipline of the mind that I have not mastered yet, but am in the process of making it a reality in my life.

Several times in scripture we are commanded to renew our mind (Romans 12:1-2 and Ephesians 4:23) and to set our minds on things above (Colossians 3:2). We are encouraged, "For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds; casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ" 2 Corinthians10:4-5. So we have a choice in how we think and what we think; in the things we allow to become strong holds in our life.

I will admit that this is the most difficult battle I have ever faced in my life. My new trench is dug and the scriptures are my only tools, and I have put on the armor of God. For His grace is sufficient for me and His strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9). For His word is sufficient for teaching me, reproving me, correcting me, and instructing me in righteousness (2 Timothy 3:16).

My life will never be the same so it might as well be changed for the better as I go through the fire. Therefore I choose to let the fire refine me. "For You, O God, have tested us: You have tried us, as silver is tried. You brought us into the net; You laid affliction upon our loins. You have caused men to ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water: but You brought us out into an abundant place" Psalm 66:10-12.