Facing the Fear of Chemo

Facing the fear of Chemo has been a difficult journey that has taken me through many emotions. I will not claim that I have overcome my fear in the least, but I am moving forward each day in spite of my fear. 

My first treatment was scheduled for last Tuesday. It was a difficult morning waiting for my appointment time. I was so nervous I couldn't eat breakfast. My friend Janie took me to the hospital and walked me to my room. Because of the small quarters, there was no room for Janie to stay beside me. As she walked out, I was left in a room full of strangers to face the biggest fear in my journey...chemo.

Funny how there seems to be some sort of strength that comes with having a friend by your side; you know, that person who understands how you feel and knows what you're thinking. I am blessed to have many friends and family that meet this description in my life, but not one of them could be there at that moment.

Part of facing my fear of chemo has been learning to hold fast to my faith and trusting the Lord more than ever before. I had no one around me to lean on but the Lord and nothing to hold on to but my faith. I began quoting the Psalms that have given me strength over the past weeks. Lord, You are my Shepherd and although I may be walking through this valley, You are with me Ps. 23. Lord, You are my Light and my Salvation of whom shall I be afraid? Ps 27. Lord, You have created me and made me, You know my heart and the emotions I feel because You know my inward parts, I trust You with my life. Ps. 139. 

As treatment started I thought it would be a good idea to do some work, so I pulled out my computer. It took my mind off the process and allowed me to concentrate on new tasks for my future. However, while receiving the second round of medicine, my body reacted and I became sick. My nurse, who is absolutely fantastic, turned off my medicine for almost an hour so that I could somewhat recover. She lowered the rate of injection and finished out my first round of chemo much later than expected.

I have been sick all week but each day feeling a bit better than the day before. With the help of my husband, I'm learning how to eat and what my body needs to stay strong during chemo. God is teaching me how to put on His Armor and stand in the midst of adversity. I am thankful that God has not removed the pain and suffering of this illness from me, because through the pain and suffering, I am learning things from Him that will be with me on the other side of this trial.

Whatever trial you may be going through, I pray that you will find the life lessons that will be with you on the other side; those things that will benefit you beyond your adversity.