Behind the Mask

I don't know about ya'll but I like to control changes in my life; if I want a change then I will seek it out no matter the cost, but if I am content with the way things are then I will avoid change at all costs. I didn't seek out this change nor could I avoid it, but my life has definitely changed and it all started with a phone call from my doctor to say, "I'm sorry Sharon, it's cancer".

Sometimes change is inevitable and unavoidable. Maybe it's a knock on the door from the military or an urgent call from the hospital. It could be a job loss, financial troubles, eviction notice, or any number of other things that are beyond our control. I have said before that my life will never be the same so it might as well be better on the other side, so each day I seek the Lord for ways I can be better, and this week He surprised me.

Every Monday morning I have an appointment at 10am for a blood test to check if I will be able to have my treatment on Tuesday. Getting ready has gotten easier because I have pretty much mastered putting on my scarf. However, this time, I could not get it looped, tied, tucked, or twisted. I tried several times, several ways, and several scarves. I even cried a little before I completely ran out of time to try again; Janie was here and I had to go.

I had never been out in the community without a scarf on my head, but today I had no choice except to go bald. I grabbed a hoodie so that I would at least have a little covering. As you can see, I had my sunglasses on and a mask of course, but I didn't look at myself in the mirror before being dropped at the door of the hospital. I caught a glimpse of myself in the glass doors as I entered. Wow, I thought, you look scary.

My friend Madeline works in registration and I really like her co-workers. We always have lively conversations and laughter which is very encouraging to me as I begin another dreaded week of treatment. They have a way of making me forget why I'm there. Madeline said, "Doesn't she look like a-a-a-a uh terrorist?" I thought she was going to say a sniper or military person, but she was right, I looked like a bald-headed terrorist! Once again it was great laughter, but it started with frustration and tears.

It made me wonder how many times I had fought to make something happen or refused to humble myself in transparency. Don't you think we often "put on" a mask that shows how we want others to see us? We try to hide under the scarf, behind the smile, or inside the latest styles so to speak? Why are we afraid of letting people see who we really are? We think if they see our weakness then they will reject us, but the Lord tells Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" 2 Corinthians 12:9. Could it be that God is just waiting for us to put down the mask and be transparent in our weakness so that His power can be made perfect?

Paul goes on to say, "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me". He gives us the power to live free of guilt, shame, embarrassment, insecurity, humiliation, discouragement, fear, anxiety, control, etc. Could this be why many of us Christians are living powerless lives? We just can't get over fears, anxieties, insecurities; we just can't stop giving into sin; we refuse to forgive; we can't let go of the past; we refuse to let Christ be our all in all.

Isn't it about time we stopped crawling on our hands and knees under the weight of the mask we put on? Shouldn't we let God's grace be sufficient in our weakness so that His power can rest on us? I don't want to hide my weaknesses, but be transparent about them so that His power is made perfect in it and so that He will be made strong in my life and get all the glory in my weakness.