The Challenge to Love

Earlier this year I heard a message by Pastor Josh Baser that challenged me to "step up my love game." He made a statement that really caught my attention. He said the assumption that our family believes that we love them is one of the greatest contributors to the breakdown of American families.  

So, as he continued to describe what love is and how we should communicate it, I listened with an inward examining eye. Do my actions and attitude toward my family match the words, "I love you" that I say to them? 

Well, the answer was yes, and no. See, I didn't know the individual love language of each of my family members, so my actions and attitude matched my own love language, not theirs. 

Since that is a clear indication, I watched to see how they expressed love to me, to identify theirs. And I found that my children had one predominant language that stood out most, but I also found that they needed every language to be expressed. 

As I have stepped up to this challenge, there has been a slow steady improvement in my ability to love them better. They feel the benefit of my love for them because it is expressed in their own language. And I understand their expressions of love for me because I can now speak their language.  

We need both the giving and the receiving sides of love and knowing how to communicate it in the language that our family speaks is vital. 

My parents divorced when I was young. And I remember one time, when I had struggles in my own marriage as an adult, my dad counseled me from his own experience. He told me that he loved my mom but he didn't express his love in a language she understood so she didn't know that he loved her.

Could this be the reason many relationships are broken; whether it's in a marriage, between parents and children, or a friendship? 

I will admit that I have not read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, but I have found great value in knowing how to speak the different languages he describes and the challenge I was given to love my family better.  

A New Me

I have ventured out into the world a few times over the last couple of weeks and it has been interesting to watch myself stumble around. I don't know where I fit anymore. The things that I enjoyed in the past, no longer interest me, and for the first time I realized, that I am not who I used to be.

  

(please feel free to save, print, copy, and share the picture to retrain your brain in what God says about you)

I really didn't think about how a new normal would result in a new Sharon. From the beginning of my cancer diagnosis, I have always said that I wanted to be better on the other side, but I suppose I didn't know the magnitude of what that would be. 

God has been teaching me to retrain my brain to think differently about many things, but the hardest one has been my perception of myself. I had believed lies about myself and those lies had affected my life as if they were true. 

I made decisions based on those lies, my actions reflected what I believed about myself, and the lies affected my relationships with my family and friends in ways I didn't even understand.

Learning to believe what God says about me has required renewing my mind in the scriptures which tells me who God says that I am. Then, it has taken a conscious effort to retrain my brain to believe His word over the lies that have defined me.

It has always been easier for me to believe a negative about myself over a positive. I've heard it said that it takes ten positives to strike out one negative. So, it has been hard work to instill the positive truth of what God says about me. I am a new creation, adequate in Christ, totally forgiven, accepted, and loved. I am of great value and worth, unique, chosen, complete, and precious in His sight, just to name a few. 

And, believing these truths, has taught me to encourage my children about who God says they are as well. It is no longer just my loving perception of them but the foundational truth of scripture that solidifies the facts of who they are. It has changed the way we have conversations and made me more aware of the words they say about themselves.  

So, the truest thing about me is what God says; not what I think or do, not what others think or say, but only what God says, and that has created a new me. 

Purposeful Pollination

Well, gardening has proven to be a full-time fight; a fight to plant on time, a fight against weeds and grass, a fight to keep the plants healthy, and fighting the pests, has given me a headache. It feels like a losing battle and is very discouraging!

 

The squash and zucchini had big beautiful blooms but the fruit was dying before it could grow. Come to find out, the female blooms were not being pollinated by the male blooms. So, every morning I've had to go out and pollinate because it seems the bees are busy in other places. 

The tomatoes have acquired a disease that comes from the soil. It has no cure and is highly contagious. Once it starts, every infected leaf will spread to the others it touches. 

The slugs and snails, beetles, and worms are more than I can fight and it's tempting to give up and just let it all go.

Gardening seems to be a lot like living the Christian life. It is a constant fight to keep our feet planted in God's soil. If we look at the world around us, the evil seems to far outnumber the good and it looks like a losing battle.

It is easy for us to get busy like bees in other places, but we need to purposefully pollinate with encouragement. "Speaking to each other in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs" Ephesians 5:19. 

We should be mindful not to spread disease from infected soil. Sharing gossip and pointing out the weaknesses of others does nothing to promote health or nurture growth. 

"Blessed is the man that walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful, But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in His law does he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth its fruit in its season; its leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he does shall prosper" Psalm 1:1-3

So, let's keep our feet planted in the soil of God's word. Keep watchful in prayer for the pests that seek to destroy. And guard our tongue that it doesn't spread disease that purposeful pollination will yield healthy Christian living.  

The Great Divide

In March we were asked to stay at home for fifteen days in order to stop the spread of the virus. Well, that fifteen days turned into thirty and now, there seems to be no end in sight. The data is constantly changing, the information is uncertain, and the hearts of people are being filled with fear.

I've been listening to the news reports and watching for signs of better days, but it seems that the Nation's divide is expanding.

Usually, when America is faced with adversity, we band together to fight, but instead, we are now fighting each other. 

We used to watch the political divide on the news separated from it, but we are now experiencing a personal divide in our communities, neighborhoods, and families.

 We have differing opinions on whether people should have to wear a mask and on the decision to close businesses, churches, and schools. 

Fighting over toilet paper and hand sanitizer has turned into a fight over conspiracy and authenticity, and over whose lives matter the most. While some are losing everything, others are taking advantage for monetary gain. 

These are days like I've never seen before in America, they are days much like what Isaiah spoke of in chapter five. We have not regarded the work of the Lord. We have despised His word and refused His existence. We have cast away His law and rejected His blessing. 

Everyone is doing what is right in their own sight and chaos is the result. But, the Lord says, "Woe to them that are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight! Isaiah 5:21.

The expanse of our divide is growing greater and greater. We are no longer "one nation under God indivisible." Over the years, we have asked God to get out of our government, get out of our schools, and get out of our families. We have replaced Him with political parties, man's theories, and Hollywood entertainment. 

So could it be that God is giving us exactly what we have asked for? Is He respectfully getting out of our lives and removing His hand from our nation?  And without God as our covering, we are witnessing and participating in the great divide of America.

Getting to Know Them

Well, the last day of school is now official. Distance learning was a new adventure that required communicating in ways that we have never experienced in our home. There is talk that school will begin distant in the fall and we are still being asked to stay at home. It has been a very unusual spring and it doesn't look like summer is going to be much different. 

I have looked for ways to make our time at home as fun as possible for my children. So, I decided to venture to the backyard and garden with them. 

Gardening is a lot of work, but we have had a great time talking, joking, and laughing. I started learning new things about them and God taught me a lesson that I am learning to apply. 

See, I have been guilty of saying, "I just don't understand you" to my children, which has never helped me understand them better. 

But, God showed me in His word that He never told us to understand Him; He said to know Him. In knowing Him we will begin to understand His truths. 

As I have applied that same concept to my children, it has opened a clear line of communication and I have begun to understand their humor, personality, quirks, and also fears strengths, and weaknesses. 

They are changing as they grow and forming into young adults. When they spend most of their day in public school, exposed to the world culture, ideas, and opinions, it plays a huge role in shaping who they are becoming. 

The little time that I have them at home should not be spent frustrated in a lack of understanding them but that time spent being a part of who they are becoming. Getting to know them allows me the opportunity to encourage them in God's truth, instill godly values, and help guide them in wisdom. 

I know this pandemic has been hard. It's changed our normal routines and the way we communicate, but I am so thankful for the lessons God is teaching in the midst of it. I am grateful for the precious gift of my children and getting to know them will be a lifetime adventure. 

Back to Normal

This is not the new normal I was hoping for after cancer, but could this pandemic become a new way of life? I hear a lot of people saying that they want to get back to normal. I have to ask; was "normal" so great? Could it be that God doesn't want us to go back to normal?

 

When Moses went to Pharoah by God's command to set His people free, they rose up against Moses saying, leave us alone, let us get back to normal. 

In the days of Noah, people were living normal lives without regard to the truth that Noah preached. 

When Saul persecuted the church and scattered them abroad throughout the regions, I would imagine that they were hoping to get back to normal too. 

In every one of these situations, God had a greater plan for the lives of His people. He wanted them to draw nearer to Him and have a life more abundant with Him, but everyone was too caught up in their normal everyday lives. Have we gotten so consumed with the normal life that we can't see God's handwriting on the wall?

It saddens me to hear the church today speak about missing out on the normal things they do. Many church groups put together a drive-thru Easter egg hunt because they couldn't have a traditional one. We do all these things to reach out, but this may be a time that we should be reaching in. Reaching in to see what God sees, asking Him for His examining eyes to reveal the deepest parts, the hidden stuff, and look past the surface of normal.

"Awake you that sleep, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give you light. See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil" Ephesians 5:14-16. The church has been asleep in the routines of normal life. 

It's about time we wake up and seek God's wisdom, redeem the time to examine, repent, stand, and proclaim. It's about time that we arise and shine the light of Christ to those who are lost in darkness, full of fear, and can't find hope. 

Let's stop looking back to normal!

Isolation

Throughout my battle with cancer last year, I kept myself separated from the world as much as possible. Now that I am on a journey to a new normal, I thought that my time in isolation was coming to a close. However, there's a buzz of stay-at-home orders and the school closing for the rest of the year. So, it sounds like my isolation continues.

I have been hearing reports of other countries shutting down places in an effort to stop the spread of this virus. It was nieve of me to think that it would be stopped before reaching our shores. 

For years I have heard reports through The Voice of the Martyrs about the oppression and persecution that Christians have faced all over the world. However, we have been isolated from it in America. 

If we think about it, America has been isolated from many hardships that other countries have faced. Could the comforts we have all enjoyed in this nation be coming to a close?

The idea that our freedoms to have a Bible, gather in worship, and share the gospel could be taken away from us is hard to imagine. But just as the virus has made it's way to this nation, so are the ideals that will take away our freedoms; it's only a vote away.

So, Christians shouldn't think that we are isolated from the persecution that our brothers and sisters face all over the world, because as we are individually going into isolation, our country is coming out of isolation.  

My co-host Janie has an analogy that I think describes American Christians, she says, "Christianity is like being on a battleship but we think we have signed up to get on a cruise ship." 

We are a nation of Christians who have stepped into the comforts of Christianity and question God's love when those comforts are removed. Being a Christian is full of so many blessings and we never have to fear the loss of God's love. Romans 8 says that we are more than conquerors and nothing can separate us from the love of God. 

I think in times like these we have to remember that He is the Captain of the battleship and although the storm may rage and we may take some hard hits, we will never be defeated. 1 Cor. 15 promises that we are victorious through Jesus and the battle is won! 

So, whatever the next few weeks of isolation may bring, let's continue the fight with the Lord as our Captain. 

A New Normal

My journey through recovery has been full of new challenges; some that I expected and others that knocked me off my feet. Throughout my cancer journey, I was constantly looking for God to teach me lessons; not because I thought I was being disciplined for some bad behavior, but that in adversity, my heart could be purified and my character developed. I had decided to be a lump of clay back on the Potter's wheel and allow His hands to mold and shape me for His purpose. 

I was recently asked, "What was the greatest lesson God taught you?" As I looked back, I could sum it all up with one-word; contentment. 

I don't know if any of you have ever experienced a longing for something more, but that longing had plagued me. As if who I was, wasn't enough, or what I did just didn't measure up. 

I think I got to that place because unconsciously was trying to make up for my past mistakes and failures; you know, those things God has already forgiven me for but I was still trying to make right as if His forgiveness wasn't enough. But with every little lesson last year, God sweetly and gently pulled back each layer, little by little. 

So, this time of recovery has been for my whole body; not just physically, but emotionally, and spiritually too. There have been many challenges that I have successfully overcome and some that I am still working on. 

I have had to rearrange my priority list and purposefully work within that list. I have had to say no to things and people that I would have loved to said yes to. But this has been a process of retraining my thinking, habits, and lifestyle and I realize that I will never go back to normal, I just have to find a new normal, and that is really not such a bad thing. 

I am very thankful for my friends and family who are understanding and supportive of where I am on this journey. because I have become a bit of a recluse, almost as if I'm in a cocoon, I may not emerge as a beautiful butterfly but I do want to allow God to develop this new way of life in me and hopefully, I will emerge completely transformed into a new normal. 

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving! I love this time of year. The temperature changes, the leaves turn beautiful colors, and the feeling of change fills the air. Usually, these things happen in October around here, but this year the seasons have been off just a little, so Fall was short and taken over quickly by freezing temperatures.

I think the feeling of change in the air is what I love most about Fall. There is an excitement of something new coming and I look with anticipation over the horizon to what it might be.

This time last year, I had no idea the change that would be coming for me in 2019, although it was a difficult year, I am so thankful for it all.

The month of November tends to bring out the grateful side of us. This is a great time to look back over the year and remember the good, find the positives, and express thanksgiving. Oddly enough, for me, the good and positive came through the diagnosis, treatment, and pain of cancer.

I am grateful for God's gentle hand in the midst of the most difficult year of my life. I am thankful for my family and friends, and there are no words to describe how much I appreciate each day I live.

🎵 I will enter His gates with thanksgiving in my heart I will enter His courts with praise. I will say this is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice for He has made me glad. 🎵

A New Journey

I was diagnosed with Stage 2 Triple Negative Ductal Carcinoma in my right breast on January 11th, started chemotherapy on February 12th, had surgery on July 15th, and radiation began on August 29th. As of October 29th, I have completed my last treatment for cancer. Every treatment has come with several side effects that caused pain and fatigue. Weeks of treatment followed by weeks of recovery. It has been a very long year of fighting and by God's grace, I have won the battle.

From the beginning, I knew that my life would never be the same, so I wanted to be changed for the better on the other side of this journey. As I take the time to look back, I can see change, growth, and insights into parts of myself that I had never known before.

I have a new appreciation for my family and friends. They supported me in prayer, encouragement, sacrifice, acts of kindness, and love. They took the time to send cards, texts, and food. They made trips to visit me, researched ways to help me, and gave gifts of love. I am blessed beyond measure.

Some of the unknowns, in the beginning, were a bit scary. I didn't know what my hair would look like when it grew back but I am pleased that it has given me a slight resemblance to my daddy.

I have always considered myself "daddy's little girl" and today, at 50 years old, married, with children; I am still his little girl in my heart. I have always been impressed by his physical strength, but it is his strong love for God that I admire the most. 

I suppose all "daddy's girls" have a special daddy-shaped-place in their hearts that no one else can fill. Daddy is always the one we hope will be the proudest of us. We look for his character qualities in the man we want to marry, which I am happy to say that I found.

I am definitely a daddy's girl, but for a while, I looked like my brother. My mom said that when we were born we were like twins 5 years apart. We both weighed 8lbs 13oz, 21in long, and looked exactly alike. Now, 45 years later...poof...twinkies again!

This has been an amazing journey that has come to an end, but oddly enough, I find myself on a new road. What will life be like when the recovery is over. I will no longer be sick, in treatment, fatigued, in pain, or being lifted in prayer. 

I have been through the Refiner's fire. When I rise up from the ashes and shake off the soot, who will emerge?

I am looking forward to walking this new road, exploring the new sights, and experiencing a new life on this journey to the other side of cancer. 

I want to thank everyone who has prayed for me and walked with me through this year. I am so grateful for you and blessed to have you in my life. I love you all.  

Character Counts

Radiation treatments have become quite painful. The radiation burn on my skin has caused open wounds and much discomfort. The striking pain through my breast is almost constant. It causes a great deal of distraction - from my thinking process to staying on task. I often find things half-done around the house and have trouble finding words to complete my thoughts.

I have completed 27 treatments on a large area from the center of my chest to under my right arm. I have 2 more treatments that cover this large area, then 7 treatments that will focus on the tumor area only. It is nice to be almost done, but exhausting at the same time. There are so many things that I want to do but I have become so tired and the pain adds to that.

I wanted to go to Rachel's band competition today in Bixby but I am unable to make it. I am so proud of the entire Grove High School Band. They won second place last week in Oolagah. They have a grueling schedule: workout and rehearsal every morning at 7am, Tuesday evening, and Friday afternoon; followed by Friday night football game where they might not get home until after midnight, then they are back early Saturday mornings for all-day competitions. Not to mention the fact that they began all-day rehearsals three weeks before school started.

These young men and women are devoted, determined, and disciplined. They listen to instruction from their directors and show them respect. They know the rules and follow them. They work hard and do their very best even when they are exhausted, even when people get up and leave for concessions during their show, even when it seems no one is listening. They are true to themselves and sacrifice for the whole of the team.

I don't know most of them, but their character is seen at every ball game, homecoming coronation, parade, bonfire, competition, concert, rehearsal, and individual encounter. They are an inspiration to the rest of us (or at least they are to me).

Even if people don't know me, do they see my devotion, determination, and discipline to God? Do they see the character of Christ in me? Does my life display that I follow God's instruction and respect Him? These are scary questions to ask but also scary not to know because the character I display counts for eternity.

So, next time you are at a game don't think of the band as the background music to your conversation. Take the time to give them a big cheer, ask the announcers to turn off the speaker music when they are playing, postpone your snack run to watch them perform, and let them know you appreciate their hard work because they deserve our respect and our character counts too.

Prone to Wander

This week is the fourth of eight weeks of radiation treatments. It has been a long journey but with only five more weeks to go, I can say that there is a light at the end of this cancer tunnel after all. It is brighter today than it was on January 11th when I received my diagnosis.

It's been a long year, and through it all, God has taught me a great deal. I am thankful for the lessons I have learned, and the ones He is continuing to teach me. I can say that it was much easier to hear Him when the responsibilities of life were not constantly ringing in my ear.

While I was taking chemo there was a great deal of illness and fatigue that came with the treatments. I willingly let go of most of the household responsibilities and daily errands. I spent my days resting and caring for myself; all of me, physically, mentally, and spiritually. I was constantly seeking the Lord and listening for His voice.

There were weeks I could hardly wait to tell you all what God had taught me. I knew that cancer was going to change my life and I wanted to be better on the other side of this trial than when I began it. The more time I spent with Him the hungrier I was to learn and grow.

But then, as I started feeling better and able to do more, there was so much that screamed for my attention. The little things that piled up while I was down, running my kids to and from school, and extracurricular activities, then soon the everyday chores around the house.

My time with Him became less and I can totally relate to the old hymn: "Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love. Take my heart Lord, take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above."

Why I ask, am I so prone to wander from the God that I so dearly love? Do I wander from my husband? Do I wander from my kids? If I evaluate my life honestly, I can say, yes I wander from them as well. Doing for those I love can take me from those I love. Busyness has robbed me of my time with all of those that I love.

Time is a valuable commodity and spending it wisely with those I love is a lesson God has continued to remind me of over and over again. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get it! Maybe it just becomes a matter of getting it sooner than I did before.

But God

Hello everyone! It has been a while since I have gotten to talk to you all. I'm in my second week of radiation, I have 6 more weeks to go. I was told to expect sunburn-like sensitivity in the area being treated and fatigue. I am beginning to feel both but for now, all is going well.

I have been working overtime canning jams and jellies to sell at NEO Community Garden upcoming Fall Fest on Sept. 28th. I am selling them as a fundraiser for my daughter's band trip to Disney World where they will march in the Disney parade.

I am not a professional canner by any stretch of the imagination. I enjoy making them but it can get very frustrating when they don't set or don't seal. I am ashamed to admit how many times I have had to remake batches of product.

I will say that canning is NOT like cooking at all. I am always finding recipes for things to cook, but I will often leave out things I don't like or don't have on hand. I substitute all the time, but with canning, you MUST follow the recipe AND instructions. 

I am always looking for what the Lord may want to teach me in every situation and I was reminded of a challenging conversation with Janie on the Woman to Woman broadcast where we discussed how easily we can get caught up "doing God's will - our way". 

I can find myself saying, "But God!" I know! I know! That phrase is very popular these days as a way to give praise for God's intervention. However, I can't tell you how many times I have heard, "But MOM!" from my kids and they are never praising me...LOL! Just like adults, they have their own ideas about how they want to do things or what they think will work better.

I know that I have said, "But God!" in objection many times in my life in an effort to change His decision or request. It has never made anything better to try to excuse my behavior with "But God knows my heart", or with "But God loves me anyway".

I have learned the hard way that my own ideas about how I want to do things just doesn't work; for canning or otherwise. So, there are strict rules for canning so the product will set and seal properly. God has strict rules for us so that we can be protected and preserved.

It takes discipline to follow instruction and leave my own thoughts and opinions out of the equation. As a parent, I have rules for my kids that I expect them to follow. The same is true for me as God's child; He expects me to follow His rules and instruction.

There are scriptures that are hard sayings; "But God" should never be my response. His rules are not in place to hurt me. His great love of the cross is proof of it.

I love God's tender way of teaching me valuable lessons in everyday situations. Sometimes it takes me a while to get it "But God" is gracious and long-suffering. So, now I'm following the recipe and making great progress on the jams and jellies and I gained a little wisdom along the way. 

The School of Life

It has been a good recovery from surgery so far. My right arm has hurt the worst from the removal of the lymph node. The lumpectomy took a little longer than expected because the tumor was completely gone so the goal was to retrieve the clip that was placed on the tumor during the biopsy. A large amount of tissue was removed and sent in for testing along with the lymph node.

The pathology report from those specimens has come back with negative results for cancer! I can do nothing but praise God for His mighty works. He has been so good to me through this entire process. He has worked through the hands of the doctors and nurses, through the hands of my friends and family, and through the hands of total strangers.

My mom and sister were here to help me with my physical needs during the hardest part of my recovery. There is something humbling about allowing others to come alongside you and do the things that you would normally do yourself, but I can't imagine what I would have done without them.

They live so far away we don't often get to do things together. We took advantage of the time to have some fun. They brought apples from Dad's apple tree and we (I couldn't do much) canned apple pie filling and apple peel jelly. We made apple cobbler and blackberry cobbler from my blackberries. Of course, some may not call that fun, but we had a blast. One night we had a PJ party, I think that is always considered fun. We watched some old classic movies and did a lot of talking and laughing.

These are all precious moments that I will treasure forever. Cancer, as hard as it is, has been the catalyst that has ignited friendships, prompted family visits, and forced me to move outside myself. I started this blog long before I was diagnosed with cancer, but I didn't feel comfortable sharing some of the things that God was teaching me.

I figured my training was kindergarten in comparison to others. But what I have learned is that no lesson is above or below grade. We can all learn from each other but the teacher is God Himself. He is the only one that can tell us how to apply each lesson to our own lives.

We all have things we face that are just as traumatic as a cancer diagnosis. It may not be as life-threatening, but it can be just as traumatic. The school of life can bring hard knocks. Therefore, every situation can have a benefit to our own character growth and help us gain wisdom for the next phase of life. Situations become lessons learned and testimonies to share with others that could help them on their journey.

It is humbling to expose some of the things God teaches me but I remind myself that "pride comes before the fall" Proverbs 16:18. No one benefits from a life that pretends to have it all together and everything figured out. The school of life continues forever.

Now and Forever

I have had a productive chemo recovery and prepared myself as much as possible for tomorrow's surgery. It has been effective for me to busy my mind with other things so I didn't get too worked up over this dreaded day.

Terry and I had our 27th anniversary on June 6th. We recently enjoyed a night out to dinner to celebrate. Since I am now able to taste food it was worth the wait. Our date didn't exactly go as planned but we were together and that is all that really matters.

Cancer has caused me to have some emotional breakdowns, physical exhaustion, fogged thinking, and many other unexpected side effects, but through it all, Terry has encouraged me. His quiet, calm confidence is solid and keeps me grounded.  He is the most amazing man. Everyone who knows him will most likely agree with that statement.

He does not like to be bragged on, but I'm going to do it anyway (don't tell him)! There are so many little things that he does that expresses his love. He may not give me flowers or candy, but he gives me himself, all that he is and has every day. I am so grateful that I get to call him Honey and he calls me Dear.

With Christ in the center of our marriage, I'm looking forward to spending the next 27 plus years in Terry's arms and by his side. I am proud to be his wife now and forever.

Preparing for Surgery

I can't believe how quickly time has passed. My last chemo treatment was May 28th but it seems like it was only a couple of weeks ago. The neuropathy has disappeared in my fingers, I feel it occasionally in my toes, but under the circumstance, I am very grateful it's not worse. My taste buds have healed and my appetite is back (that's not so great for the waistline) but it is nice be able to taste food again.

I have been spending most of my time preparing for breast surgery, which is July 15th. It has put me on a quest to complete some tasks that have been staring at me throughout my chemo treatments. Other things just started piling up after chemo started, but thankfully I have completed most of them.

I had a great time with my dad and brother when they came for a visit. We had the most fun making fry bread for tacos. It was an unplanned, last minute idea that sent us to the store twice, made a huge mess in the kitchen, and caused us to eat later than normal, but it brought the most memorable moments.

Sometimes the best things we do together are the hardest to achieve. We almost gave up on the idea because it wasn’t coming together very easily. It took great effort to find a recipe, gather the ingredients, dig out the fryer, and research the technique. We made a few mistakes and failed on our first three breads, which we found pretty tasty as a snack before dinner. It was all worth it in the end, not just because we had great tacos, but because we had a great time.

It made me think about the great effort it takes to live as a Christian; the mistakes we make, the trials we go through, the persecutions we face, and the many times we fail, but it is all worth it in the end. It takes effort to seek His word and dig out the truth. It takes effort to accept His word over what we want for ourselves. It is easier to give up and go with the flow of the world around us. It is easier to give in to our own wants and desires.

I have heard many times that cancer isn’t for sissies; well, I can say the same about Christianity, it is not for sissies. Those of us who choose to be Christians are not given a special bubble to live in that keeps us from troubles, heartache, illness, or catastrophe. What we are given is a special relationship with the God of creation, through Jesus His Son (John 3:16).

In this relationship we find the wisdom, encouragement, strength, and faith to endure through all that life puts before us. We find amazing grace, unstoppable love, unexplainable peace, great joy, and a life that is worth living. The most difficult times can be the most rewarding. The hardest obsticles can be the greatest moments. God makes all things work for good to those that love Him (Romans 8:28). 

Cancer has effected every part of my life. I have had to deal with physical limitations, challenged on the emotional roller coaster, and spiritually stretched in my faith. Through my relationship with the Lord, I have found His word to be true; all things have worked for good.   

I still have surgery and radiation to go through on this cancer journey, but God is sufficient and He will see me through it all.

Recovering From Chemo

Recovering from chemo has been an interesting process. I have already started getting some strange wool-like fuzz growing on my head. I'm getting feeling back in my fingers and toes and even the sticky sinus drainage has started to decrease.

I am able to taste more things than I did a few weeks ago and I am working on increasing my energy level but still find that I tire easily from simple tasks.

I was blessed with a visit from my nephew and his family from Florida along with my sister from Nevada last weekend.

It was such a wonderful gift because I was able to take my mind off the next stage of my treatment and escape, like a mini vacation, and enjoy time with them.

It is amazing how God gives us exactly what we need at the moment we need it; even when we don't know we need anything at all.

Their visit became a sort of "end of chemo" celebration before having to focus on my next portion of treatment so the timing couldn't have been more perfect.

There always seems to be some obstacle to overcome through this cancer fight. The mental, emotional, and physical strength it takes to face the next stage is always a process of finding the courage to move forward.

Their visit gave me the break I needed and refreshed me for the fight. I got to do things that I hadn't felt like doing for a while.

We went for walks, played board games, and I ate some great food (most of it I could actually taste). I cannot thank them enough for taking their vacation, sacrificing their time, and giving of themselves to come to see me.

Now, I move toward breast surgery then radiation therapy. I have an appointment with the Radiation Oncologist next week to discuss what to expect with radiation. The following week I have an appointment with the Surgeon to discuss my options and schedule surgery. 

As I recover from chemo, I am mustering the courage to continue the fight. I remember that the Lord is my strength. I can face anything when I put on the Armor of God and hold the Sword in my hand as well as in my heart.

The Courage to Fight

For the first time in 16 weeks, I am not facing chemo treatments. It seems strange to be at this stage in the process because, oddly enough, chemo seems to become a routine of life.

I remember being scared to even start chemo and had to muster the courage to move forward in spite of my fear. Then, I found myself in the strange position of being scared to stop chemo and had to muster the courage to surrender to my doctor's recommendation.

I have had a group of friends who have sacrificed their time taking me to my chemo treatments, doctor appointments, and basic errand running. They have prepared meals, given gift cards for area restaurants, massaged my feet, brought me gifts, and checked on me daily for any needs that may arise. I have received cards and texts of encouragement every day. I cannot say enough about these women and the love they have shown me. 

Women who have walked this road before me always say that cancer is not for sissies. They are determined to set their minds to fight, "kicking cancer's rear." I have been encouraged by those women who endured the weight of cancer and all that comes with the diagnosis. They are the warriors who have gone before in battle and cheer me on from the other side.

The fight is bigger than the disease or the cure, the fight encompasses every part of who I am. Some days I have been in a battle of fighting fears, other days I have battled wrong thoughts and maybe even depression. The battle of fatigue is hard because it has caused me to feel like I miss out on the "normal" life I have always had.

Battling the side effects has always been exhausting because there are so many that affect everyday life ~ from food to bathroom breaks, which then goes back to the battle of fatigue, depression, and fears. Fighting the battle takes courage and determination every single day.

I am still in the middle of my cancer battle. At this point, I will have 4 to 6 weeks of chemo recovery time before I lay on the operating table for breast surgery. Now, another fight begins; facing unknowns and fears, decisions and doctors orders. What will it be like on the other side and how will my life be changed?

God has taught me so much through this first stage of the battle and I know I have many more lessons to learn. I am thankful for my friends and family who have made sacrifices to come alongside me and fight with me. I am thankful for the warriors who are on the other side cheering me on and I look forward to standing alongside them one day cheering on others in the middle of the battle.

Communicating Neuropathy

Only four more treatments to go!!! However, we have now come to the point that neuropathy is a real issue. I have started feeling a slight numbness in my fingers and toes.

The Oncology team has always evaluated the neuropathy each week to determine whether or not I will continue with the next treatment, but now it is serious enough that each week could be my last because they don't want to cause permanent damage to my body.

It is critical that I be able to communicate what I am feeling because neuropathy cannot be seen, tested, or examined. I'm not sure I did a very good job describing these new and strange sensations; I looked for comparisons and examples, but I didn't feel confident in my explanation.

It would be so much easier if the Doc could take my hand, mash my fingertips, examine my fingernails, and tell me the stage of neuropathy I'm at but unfortunately for me, clear communication is the only way to be safe.

Communication is difficult that's why there are so many misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and bruised relationships which can cause permanent damage to the heart. Neuropathy is the only side effect that can cause permanent damage to the body, so my future health depends on my clear communication.

It's not always easy to find the right words at the right time to say exactly what you want to say. It's not easy for the listener to wait in silence while we find those words either so they begin to talk and communication is lost. Many times this is why we keep talking through our thoughts and sometimes say things we really don't mean; we are just trying to hold our place in the conversation. This is one of the many issues that can arise.

This is the same issue that arises in our prayer life. Communicating with God can feel complicated if we think we have to know exactly what we want to say and have all the right words at the right time. I found out recently that this is why many people say recited prayers; this is especially true for our children and young Christians. But, a lack of meaningful communication to God in prayer can cause permanent damage to our soul.

I remember when I was a child, my siblings and I had the "Now I lay me down to sleep" prayer every night. I did not pass that prayer to my children because I wanted them to have more meaningful communication with the Lord. However, they somehow managed to find a comfortable prayer and began reciting it every night. They had a slightly different prayer for the morning.

When I asked them about it, they admitted that they didn't always know what to say and it felt strange to have silence during prayer time while they thought through what they wanted to say.

I assured them that silence was a great part of prayer and much needed for us to hear God speak. This gave them the freedom to take their time, think, listen, and share with God from their hearts.

What a blessing our prayer time is now! It is more meaningful and heartfelt. I get to hear what they are truly thankful for. They share their fears, doubts, and insights as they express to God their heart. I get to agree with them in prayer and add things they are praying for to my prayer list.

Matthew 6 gives us some pointers on prayer. We have warnings, not to pray with vain (meaningless) repetitions, not to pray just to be heard by others, but to pray to our heavenly Father from our heart. We find the model prayer here and the command of forgiveness. It's a great chapter on trusting God in prayer, what things to pray for, instruction for fasting, and so much more.

Prayer is our communication with God and our very life depends on it. Neglecting prayer will cause permanent damage to our life just as neglecting the signs of neuropathy causes permanent damage.

Communication is so important and with communication comes silence, listening, caution with words, and care; just because a thought comes to our mind does not mean we have to say it. Holding our place in the conversation is not as important as saying the right words, even if we have to wait for another turn to say it.

The Zombie Apocalypse

Well, I'm almost to the end. I just finished treatment number 11 of 16, so I have 5 more to go. For the first time in many weeks, I did not have insomnia on chemo night. It must be due to the fact that I am now dealing with fatigue more than ever before.

Fatigue is defined as extreme tiredness or exhaustion. I'm not sure that really covers it all. It almost feels like a place of complete vegetation or zombie-like state. I struggle to do anything productive and mindlessly move about the house with all efforts to get back to my chair.

Since I feel like a zombie, it made me curious about the zombie apocalypse that has all the sci-fi drama and causes some of us to laugh at the thought of people believing it will come true.

So, I looked it up. A zombie apocalypse is a widespread rise of zombies hostile to human life engaging in a general assault on civilization. This sounds familiar. We have one group of people hostile against another group of people and they engage in verbal assaults and accusations that destroy peoples lives.

According to my research, a person becomes a zombie when they are infected by other zombies, which can be through physical contact or through the air. Okay, so, if we think of the airways as a means of infection and we think of the zombies as those who push the world views, then zombies are infecting us and our children every day.

Since this is a blog for Christian mentoring, I will say that this should concern us as believers. Could we be taking on some of the world views simply because we are watching too much news, celebrity talk shows, or television in general?

There is a popular tv show where a group of women discusses the latest news and highlights in front of a live audience. One day they were discussing a controversial judge ruling of a celebrity. When the women on the panel agreed with the ruling there was overwhelming praise from the audience. Then when the women disagreed with the ruling there was overwhelming praise from the audience. Was there anyone in the audience who would disagree with the thoughts of the women on the panel?

Do we somehow think that celebrities, politicians, professors, etc are the final authority of how we should think and believe? Our final authority is the Word of God; it is absolute truth in this age of claims that there are no absolute truths - something has to be absolute - a claim that there is "no absolute truth" is a claim of absolute in itself.

It can be difficult in the workplace, school, and in social settings to stand against the views that are against God's truth. People can almost make us feel guilty for not having "compassion for causes" that are against our Christian faith. But, our compassion is for their eternal soul not for their temporal cause.

I get concerned that my children will be zombie infected so I work hard at home to teach them the truth of God's word. Since my cancer diagnosis, I was unable to finish writing the school day devotions, but I never stopped teaching them His word. I can't teach them what I don't know so I have to spend time learning it as well.

I know how it feels to want to veg-out and not think. To turn on a mindless movie and escape the stress of the day. To play one of the many mindless games on our phone or tablet. To do nothing because your just too tired to do anything. But, when that becomes the constant outlet, is my mind more susceptible to becoming one of the undead zombies because it is easier to just let others think for me?

I could start letting the pastor and teachers tell me what God's word says rather than getting in and reading, studying, digging, praying, researching it for myself. I could actually become a zombie Christian, going through the motions of Christianity because that's what I have been told to do, say, think, and believe, but never really know it in my heart. Neglecting God's word will put me and my children at risk of becoming zombies; Christian or otherwise.

So, I laugh no more! We are already in a zombie apocalypse, just not in the way I have always thought of it.