A Hand out of Hiding

As a Christian, I have heard the story of David and Goliath (1 Samuel 17:41-52) more times than I can count.  I can recall the accounts of this event without even looking at the scriptures.  You would think that when the title of the sermon message is: David: The Moment of Truth, I would want to take a nap.  What more could I possibly learn from a story that has been dissected in detail and explained in depth? 

That is what is so great about God’s word.  It is described as living, powerful, and sharper than a double edged sword (Hebrews 4:12) because no matter how many times you hear a message, God can reveal something fresh to your heart.  My "aha" moment came from verse 52, “And the men of Israel and of Judah arose, and shouted, and pursued the Philistines” (1 Sam. 17:52).  These men had all been hiding; for days, but now they are chasing the enemy.

With the story of David and Goliath, we have been given encouragement to defeat the giants in our life.  Giants being our own fears or obstacles we face.  We may be dealing with health, relationship, or financial issues.  It may be a new endeavor, a new job, or any number of things that seem huge in our life.  We are encouraged to face the giant, confront the giant, and slay the giant, but that requires us to come out of hiding.  Hiding places feel safe, but they block our sight-line, they skew our vision, and give us false comfort.

What caused these men to come out of hiding?  David encouraged them when he stepped out in faith and defeated Goliath.  From the view of their hiding place, it looked like the odds were in Goliath’s favor.  They couldn’t see clearly until David gave them hope, encouragement, and an example to follow.  My sermon notes say, “Use the victory to encourage others in the battle” (Marty Hughes).

This is the definition of mentoring.  There are people around you who may be afraid.  They may be facing some huge issues (giants) in their life.  They may not know how to do anything but hide.  You can give them hope, encouragement, and be an example for them to follow.  You can be an ear to listen, a partner in prayer, and a comforter by reaffirming God’s word in their life.  You can help them out of hiding, just as David did the army of Israel. 

Extend a hand to help others out of hiding...be a mentor.

Saving Grace

I had the privilege to tour Saving Grace; a home for girls who have “aged out” of children’s homes and foster care, started by Becky Shaffer.  Their facility is part of an old hospital, but it has been transformed into a home with living, dining, and kitchen areas for these young women to share but each has her own room. 

Becky explained that there are hundreds of young women who are facing homelessness because they are too old to be in state custody.  In light of this reality for their lives, they turn to illegal activities such as prostitution, shoplifting, and other crimes.  Saving Grace gives them a safe and stable home, life skills, educational achievement and community involvement. 

Saving Grace also has a support system called “cord of 3” mentors.  Each young woman is assigned three mentors upon moving into the facility.  One mentor is the age of an older sister, another mentor the age of a mother, and then a grandmother aged mentor.   

I asked Becky why they decided on three mentors.  She said that the cord of three came to her husband’s heart one night.  “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” Eccl. 4:12.  “We encourage the three (mentors) to love, support, and encourage each other as they mentor and do the same for “grace”, said Becky. 

I love the idea that there are three women, mentoring each other as they mentor a young woman with “traumatic soul wounds”, as Becky explained it.  They are able to work together and take a step back when it’s needed.  This kind of support system is helpful for both the mentors and the mentee.  

This is a great way to get involved in mentoring.  If you are in the Northwest Arkansas area, you can get involved with some pretty cool “hands on” activities with SavingGrace.  You can also help this program by praying and donating.  Look in your local area to find places where you can be a mentor, volunteer your time, and make a difference in the lives of young women with the love of Jesus.

Be a saving grace!

Turning Points

I believe that establishing turning points in your life can help you define where you have been and how you got to where you are today.  These places are pivotal in my life.  Turning points and pivotal places can be stepping stones to change or cliffs we tumble off of.  I have discovered that I am more likely to tumble off the cliff when I have not established where I am at. 

Jan, my mentor said, “God gives us grace for each moment, don’t miss it.”  As I pondered her words, it became a stepping stone for change in me.  Sometimes I can get caught up in the emotion of a situation or find myself discontent with my life and I miss what God has for me in that moment.

As this journey began, I received a gift from my friend Debbie.  She is a giver and had no idea that this was going on in my life.  The gift was a devotion book called, “Grace for the Moment” by Max Lucado.

 

The first devotion I read was titled, “God’s Mighty Hand.”  Each devotion starts with a verse; this one is: “Through His power all things were made – things in heaven and on earth, things seen and unseen” Colossians 1:6.  “Look to the canyons to see the Creator’s splendor.  Touch the flowers and see His delicacy.  Listen to the thunder and hear His power…Today you will encounter God’s creation.  When you see the beauty around you, let each detail remind you to lift your head in praise.  Express your appreciation for God’s creations.  Encourage others to see the beauty of His creation.”  

Of course, the devotion is about how God created the heavens and the earth, but the descriptive language he uses reminded me to take each moment of grace.

God used Debbie to give me a resource that will help me each day.  I have had a couple of situations arise but I was able to not let my emotions plummet me over the cliff.  Just as I established forgiveness as a turning point that became stepping stones of change, so now, this becomes a stepping stone on which to keep moving forward in my life.   I don’t want to miss any opportunity to grab a hold of God’s grace for the moment.

Establish turning points in your life and keep climbing upward!

I Am Not Defined

My mentor, Jan, and I had our first meeting.  I intended to get a picture of us to share with you all.  Unfortunately, I forgot!  I really hate it when I do that, because I can never get that moment back.  So, I can’t share a picture, but I can share what God did for me through our meeting.

First of all, I have to let you in on a secret…it makes me nervous to have new people at my house.  When I am meeting someone new, I usually Do Not invite them to my house.  Maybe I’m ashamed of how it looks because I'm not good at decorating.  Maybe I’m embarrassed that we have pulled up the carpet and are walking on concrete, or maybe I just assume everyone’s house looks like the cover of a magazine; except mine.  Whatever the reason, I will not volunteer my home for a meeting place.

However, when Jan called to find out where to meet, I couldn’t wait to have her over.  I was not even tempted to take her offer to buy me lunch somewhere.  I thought maybe it was because it was Jan, but as I searched my heart, I realized I was different.  “I am not defined by the house I live in” I heard myself say.  I continued on with a beautifully orchestrated monologue:  “I am not defined by the car I drive or the clothes I wear.  I am not defined by my abilities and talents (or lack thereof).  I am no longer bound by the chains of comparison.  I will no longer be plagued with the “enough’s”.  If I can be good enough, smart enough, talented enough, or stylish enough.  If I can be pretty enough, rich enough, or successful enough then someone might like me, accept me, and be my friend.   

I shared my monologue with Jan (it was a shame to keep such beauty to myself :)).  She said, “That must be so freeing for you.”  Yes!  That was it!  I was free to be me.  I had never really considered myself a people pleaser or someone who cared a whole lot about what people thought of me, but apparently I was wrong.  The next question I had was: “Where did this new found freedom come from?”  I don’t remember praying for God to help me with this “problem” that I didn’t even know existed.  

Turns out, this was a byproduct of something God did in my heart a few weeks before.  I had been doing an excellent job of beating myself up for all my faults and failures and I was pretty sure that God was joining me with a whip.  As I sat in church on a Sunday morning, the speaker asked, “How many of your sins were future when Jesus died on the cross.”  Answer: “all of them.”  It was an encouraging message that God was not disappointed with us, He loves us, and He knows we are going to make mistakes.  He is not a tyrant ready to punish us for them, but a loving father willing to help us through them, forgive us, pick us up, and dust us off.  

When I realized that God was not disappointed with me it changed my perspective of my relationship with Him.  I had never thought about the domino effect of heart issues, but it totally makes sense now!  When God healed this area of my heart, it also changed my perception of myself.  I am not defined by my house, my car, my clothes, my abilities, or my sins.  I am defined by Christ who lives in me.    

The same is true for you...You Are Not Defined By...

Hindsight is 20/20

As my mentoring journey begins, my getaway retreat ends.  I went into the week wanting to hear God speak into my life.  I needed a new start, a fresh feel, a revival in my spirit, a spark in my soul…or something.  I was ready and willing to listen and hear.  Now, days after being home, I don’t just feel different; I am different.  I’m different in a good way.  Things that use to bother me are not even an issue.  However, all of this didn’t come just because I am starting a new journey into mentoring.  Mentoring is only a piece of all that God has done. 

We have all heard the saying, “Hindsight is 20/20.”  As I look back with perfect vision, I believe that God began this new work in me about 2 months ago when I met Toni Hebel. 

She and her husband Bruce travel globally sharing the message of forgiveness.  I had the privilege to attend their seminar and learned how to truly forgive others in my life including myself.  

After I prayed through the “Protocols of Forgiveness” that they teach, I felt as if a weight had been lifted off my heart and a balloon was placed in my chest. I could take in more air; it felt cleaner, fresher, and it was easier to breathe. 

I honestly thought I had forgiven all the hurts in my life, but during the seminar, I realized that there were people from my childhood that I needed to forgive.  I hadn’t forgiven myself for some things; I had only buried them in my heart.  I would pull them out on occasion and beat myself up when I thought I deserved it. 

But now, I’m free!  It’s that freedom that gave me the desire for something new, fresh, real, and different.  Each step over the past 2 months has been a healing process on my heart.  I truly believe that forgiveness changed my life.  The protocols Bruce and Toni teach really work. 

I can’t tell you how many times I have forgiven people, hurts, and myself; only to realize later that the issues were still there. My heart was still hurt; I was still angry and had bitterness toward people.  I still couldn’t look at myself in the mirror; I would put myself down, and point out all my faults. 

I have always heard that forgiveness is a process; it takes time. It’s been said, “Time heals all wounds.” The process and time didn’t work, it only buried it in my heart, but now nothing is buried, everything is gone. 

If you are taking this journey with me and want to know more about forgiveness and how you can be set free; you can get help at www.forgivingforward.com, I promise, if you do this, you will never be the same.

Forgiveness is healing!

Passing the Torch

I found it interesting that Jayme Hull shares in her book "Face to Face" how we can be involved in mentoring without even knowing it.  As I look back over my life, I can say that I have had many women in my life that were mentoring me to be something more than I was.  

One woman that had a huge impact on my life was my husband’s grandma, Rachel. 

She was the most loving woman I had ever met.  She took me in and treated me as if I were her own granddaughter.  She taught me how to be a woman, a wife, and a mother by living out those roles before me.  I was a young girl in love with her grandson and I soon fell in love with her.  We shared lots of laughs and a few tears.  She taught me how to cook and sew.  She gave me unconditional love.  She was my role model for “pulling up your boot straps and getting things done.”  She and I were best friends for the last 12 years of her life.

She became very sick in 2003 and couldn’t eat very well for several weeks.  She thought she just had a sore throat from a cold, but doctors found a tumor in her throat and she died two months later.  I still miss her today.  As I push back tears and swallow down that lump, I remember her laugh and all the fun times we had.  She made a huge impact on my life and I will pass down to her great granddaughter, Rachel, my daughter, all that she gave to me.

Take some time to look around you, look back over your life, and recognize those women who have made an impact on your life.  Be sure to let them know how much they mean to you.  If they are already gone, be sure to pass on what you learned from them to someone special in your life.  That’s mentoring.

Passing the torch!

      

Understanding Mentorship

As I described before, mentoring is a way of discipling someone.  We never get too old to be discipled or to disciple someone else. Jesus said, “Go you therefore, and make disciples of all nations…” Matthew 28:19.  The King James Version says, “Go ye therefore and teach all nations…” Matthew 28:19.  We associate discipleship with teaching; to teach we need training, a degree, a license, or some sort of spiritual threshold that we have crossed. 

While the word mentoring is not found in the Bible, its definition is described throughout the scriptures.  “Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend” Proverbs 27:17.  “Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be yet wiser: teach a just man, and he will increase in learning” Proverbs 9:9.  In Titus 2:3-5, we are given instructions for what things we should be teaching; to love our husbands, love our chidren, how to be homemakers, discreet, chaste, good, and obedient.  Mentoring is defined as “a wise and trusted counselor or teacher.”  We see these relationships in scripture with Ruth and Naomi, Moses and Joshua, Paul and Timothy, and the list goes on.  When we think of mentoring, we think of “doing life together” with someone, while discipleship is formed in our mind as “teaching about Christian life” to someone who needs guidance.  We can all disciple through mentroing others in our life. 

I have been reading my resource book "Face to Face" by Jayme Hull.  She does a great job of explaining mentoring.  She gives examples of experiences in her own life.  She has so many wonderful tips and advice about what to look for in a mentor.  While this advice is meant to help mentees find a mentor, it has also helped me understand the dos and don’ts of being a mentor (when that opportunity comes along).  She has encouragement for a busy schedule, ways to handle conflict, and so much more.  Jayme has 35 years of mentoring experience so this is an excellent resource for learning about mentoring; both sides of it.  If you would like to get a copy of this book, you can visit www.jaymeleehull.com and find the book link.  

Check it out!  You will not be disappointed.

The Beginning

Before we begin, I thought it would be good to share a little about myself and how God has placed mentoring on my heart.  The past two years of my Christian life has probably been the most difficult of all.  In October of 2014, I resigned from my position as ladies minister at my church and my family moved.  Making new friends at a new church in a new town is not easy and I often felt alone.  There were times that I struggled with issues, while sorting my emotions, and keeping my faith strong in a very difficult time. 

I recently spent a week with four amazing women at a get-a-way retreat for women in ministry. 

We were strangers at the beginning of the week; meeting for the first time, but by the end of the week we were friends.  It was hard to say good-bye.  We were each bound to the other by the common thread of Christ.  This is where I was introduced to mentoring; first by God in prayer.  The next morning, over coffee, I was sharing with one of the women how God spoke to me about mentoring (still having no idea what it meant), when she excused herself only to come back with a book about mentoring by Jayme Hull called Face to Face, and gave it to me as a gift.  Later that day, during our group session, a different woman shared how she believed mentoring was so important for women.  I couldn’t believe my ears, in just a few short hours God had presented me with a direction, a resource, and a confirmation. 

Christians are not meant to live in isolation; we need each other.  Following God can sometimes be difficult on everyone and hard for people to accept that you are doing the right thing, so when I resigned and moved; it caused a “break-up” for me.  Without a mentor, I had no one to talk to, pray with, and sort out my emotions.

However, before the end of my incredible get-a-way week, I asked a special woman, Jan, who believed in the importance of mentoring, to be my mentor. 

Now, my mentoring journey begins.

            

Welcome!

Welcome!  This blog is dedicated to sharing my Christian journey.  I have been a Christian for 17 years and been in women’s ministry for 11 of those years.  I am a wife, mother, Bible student, author, speaker, radio host and founder of Proverbs 31:30 Ministry. I have had the privilege of sharing in the lives of many Christian women over the years and honored to be guided by women of great wisdom. I always considered this discipleship rather than mentoring.

I had these persistent questions: "Is discipleship and mentoring the same thing?"  "Have I mis-defined discipleship?" "How are they different?" "How are they the same?"   

Many Christians say that discipleship and mentorship is exactly the same thing.  I had a completely different mindset that encompassed that term "discipleship" which made me think of it completely different than mentoring.  Discipleship always meant “training” or “teaching” someone else in the Christian faith, along the way, a relationship may develop.  In mentoring, there is a personal mindset that goes beyond being a teacher or trainer in the faith.  It is a purposeful scouting for women to share your Christian faith with, to seek out a mentor to pour into your life, and to find someone that you can pour into also.  Christian mentoring is having someone to “do” Christian life with you, but isn't all of that discipleship also?

The answer is yes!  Yes, Christian mentoring is discipleship.  Jesus said, "Go ye therefore and make disciples of all the nations..." Matthew 28:19.  We are being discipled when we go to church, fellowship with other believers, spend time in His word, and in prayer.  Discipleship is a vast expanse of a variety of ways we encourage others to grow in Jesus Christ and mentoring is a part of those many ways we disciple others.   

I would like to invite you to join me as I journey into the discipleship of mentorship.  I will be sharing what I am learning from women who have been mentoring for years.  I will share the resources I find and the tips I discover along the way.  I would also like to invite you to share your heart in mentoring.  As we journey together, we can learn from each other, build our resources, and find tools to help us be a mentor and mentee.  

Let’s learn and grow together!