I Am Not Defined

My mentor, Jan, and I had our first meeting.  I intended to get a picture of us to share with you all.  Unfortunately, I forgot!  I really hate it when I do that, because I can never get that moment back.  So, I can’t share a picture, but I can share what God did for me through our meeting.

First of all, I have to let you in on a secret…it makes me nervous to have new people at my house.  When I am meeting someone new, I usually Do Not invite them to my house.  Maybe I’m ashamed of how it looks because I'm not good at decorating.  Maybe I’m embarrassed that we have pulled up the carpet and are walking on concrete, or maybe I just assume everyone’s house looks like the cover of a magazine; except mine.  Whatever the reason, I will not volunteer my home for a meeting place.

However, when Jan called to find out where to meet, I couldn’t wait to have her over.  I was not even tempted to take her offer to buy me lunch somewhere.  I thought maybe it was because it was Jan, but as I searched my heart, I realized I was different.  “I am not defined by the house I live in” I heard myself say.  I continued on with a beautifully orchestrated monologue:  “I am not defined by the car I drive or the clothes I wear.  I am not defined by my abilities and talents (or lack thereof).  I am no longer bound by the chains of comparison.  I will no longer be plagued with the “enough’s”.  If I can be good enough, smart enough, talented enough, or stylish enough.  If I can be pretty enough, rich enough, or successful enough then someone might like me, accept me, and be my friend.   

I shared my monologue with Jan (it was a shame to keep such beauty to myself :)).  She said, “That must be so freeing for you.”  Yes!  That was it!  I was free to be me.  I had never really considered myself a people pleaser or someone who cared a whole lot about what people thought of me, but apparently I was wrong.  The next question I had was: “Where did this new found freedom come from?”  I don’t remember praying for God to help me with this “problem” that I didn’t even know existed.  

Turns out, this was a byproduct of something God did in my heart a few weeks before.  I had been doing an excellent job of beating myself up for all my faults and failures and I was pretty sure that God was joining me with a whip.  As I sat in church on a Sunday morning, the speaker asked, “How many of your sins were future when Jesus died on the cross.”  Answer: “all of them.”  It was an encouraging message that God was not disappointed with us, He loves us, and He knows we are going to make mistakes.  He is not a tyrant ready to punish us for them, but a loving father willing to help us through them, forgive us, pick us up, and dust us off.  

When I realized that God was not disappointed with me it changed my perspective of my relationship with Him.  I had never thought about the domino effect of heart issues, but it totally makes sense now!  When God healed this area of my heart, it also changed my perception of myself.  I am not defined by my house, my car, my clothes, my abilities, or my sins.  I am defined by Christ who lives in me.    

The same is true for you...You Are Not Defined By...